I Can't Stop Yelling. And I Know Better

Uncategorized Jun 01, 2020

My job is to help people control their emotions. I help them release negative emotions and beliefs that are holding them back, or making them feel like garbage.

So why can I not stop yelling at my son?

Now, he is almost 13. He has gone from my sweet boy to a argumentative, sometimes angry tween, who I don't understand. Sometimes I feel like he is just sitting there, hating me. Other times, he is lying on top of me, wanting cuddles and back rubs. It's a total roller coaster.

When he gets frustrated, or disagreeable, or yells "I KNOW!" to something I am asking him to do that he is clearly not doing, I go crazy.

I yell. There are f-bombs. I know how to control it, but I am choosing not to and I don't know why. So I started thinking about why.

I did what I ask my clients to do. How am I feeling in this moment? Angry. No, sad. Grief. Betrayed. Unloved.

Yikes. That's a lot to put on a hormonally raging kid, but I feel how I feel. Now, what am I going to do about it? 

I know,...

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Why You're So Sad, and What Can Help.

Uncategorized May 03, 2020

So last week I was angry AF. Remember the vacuum cleaner incident?

Now I feel sad. I'm sad for my son, who, as an only child, has no one to socialize with. I'm sad for the people who have lost people. I'm sad for the people who can't deal, so they are going to weird conspiracy theories. (Last week I was mad at them). I'm sad for the way things were. I just want to walk around the mall with a Starbucks, meet friends for dinner, go to the gym. It's a yearning for my old life. And then some days I'm like, ok, I'm good, I got this. Then I cry again.

What's up with that? And do you have some days where you feel like you're fine, and adapting, and the next day you crash? What in the actual F is going on??

Right now we're living in a weird unstable environment, where things are changing daily. Remember how our brain looks for sameness and stability?  When it can't find it, it goes back to the past, to draw on old emotions that it knows. Often, because we are living in instability, it...

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Angry AF? This Might Be Why.

Uncategorized Apr 23, 2020

I had 2 yelling fits this week.

One was at my son. He was complaining endlessly about the e-learning work he had to do. It went on and on, and I lost it. I started screaming, told him he was on his own, and slammed into my bedroom. That night I cried to my husband. I felt like a huge bitch, a bully and a really shitty mom.

The second anger attack I had was when I tried to buy a vacuum. Now that my cleaning woman can't come, I have realized that I don't have the cleaning supplies I should have. I went on the Canadian Tire website. You have to call the store to order, then pick it up curbside. Noone answered the phone. I tried 3 other stores. Same thing. Amazon Prime had a 3 week wait. I freaked out. "WHY CAN I NOT JUST BUY THE THINGS I NEED??" I was so mad I started crying.

So maybe it wasn't the best week for me.

But it got me thinking. None of my outbursts were actually anger.

They came from anxiety, fear, overwhelm and a feeling of no control. 

When our environment is...

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How To Combat Your Corona Virus Anxiety

Uncategorized Mar 21, 2020

We are all super freaked out these days. Not only are we freaked out, but we are socially isolated, and all the normal things we might do to cope with our anxiety have been taken away- going out with friends, working out at the gym, dance class, art class, etc. And feeling in a constant state of instability is not a fun place to be in. Especially right now. 

So what can we do? Create stability in an unstable environment.

1. Realize you aren't alone. Almost everyone is feeling the same way. Reach out to a support system so you feel not so alone. 

2. Within your support system, make sure you stay positive and also talk about at least some happy and fun things. We want to reinforce those positive neuropatterns now!

3. Develop a new routine. Include healthy eating and snacks, getting outside and meditation. I have a daily routine I downloaded for my son to keep him on track during "school" days. It includes some different ways of learning and outside/exercise time.

4. Think...

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Are You Freaked Out And Anxious AF?

Uncategorized Mar 14, 2020

Everyone seems to be freaking out about the pandemic that's happening right now. And yes, we should be cautious. 

Even people who don't struggle with anxiety are becoming scared, anxious and freaked out (toilet paper hoarding, anyone??)

 But for people who already have anxiety or have suffered past trauma, events like this can be a minefield. It's like your anxiety has anxiety. And maybe you were able to manage it before, but now it feels out of control.

You see, your brain is hard wired to make the bad things big. It can protect us, but often doesn't serve us. And when the world seems to be going topsy-turvy, that old anxiety is like, "woo-hoo! Here's some more stuff I can worry about and fixate on!" And everything feels worse.

So what if we could change that?

What if we could get rid of the anxiety altogether, so you could feel resourceful, clear-headed, and handle everything you need to handle, without fear or panic?

Sound nuts? Totally possible.

 Anxiety is fear...

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How to Stop Choosing the Wrong Partner, Over and Over Again

Uncategorized Mar 01, 2020

I see it all the time in my practice. People choosing the wrong person over and over again. They have probably come to me because they are unsatisfied in their current relationship, but when we go back over all their past relationships, a pattern can be seen. And we tend to attract those who are fulfilling an unconscious need. 

Maybe there is always an attraction to people who are emotionally unavailable because you struggle with abandonment. Or an attraction to cheaters because there has been a family history of cheating.

Now I know, you will say, that's ridiculous- I am not choosing that! How could I be??

Here's how it works. You unconscious mind is in control of all of that, so of course you aren't consciously choosing a partner who will cheat. But you brain looks for sameness, all the time. It becomes comfortable with certain patterns- they are familiar. If you have neuro-patterns where you have felt intense abandonment, your unconscious mind will look for someone who will...

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How To Get Rid of Holiday Anxiety Once and For All

Uncategorized Nov 26, 2019

It’s a wonderful time of the year!

Or is it?

Everyone seems so happy- excited about family get togethers, spending time with loved ones, enjoying time with relatives. But what if that doesn’t excite you at all, but merely fills you with stress, panic and anxiety?

 If you have had an abusive or difficult childhood, or have parents who are challenging, the holidays can mean a time of great unhappiness. And it’s something that we never want to talk about. Especially in front of those people who looooooove the holidays!

 And we tell ourselves to get over it. I’m an adult now, right? I shouldn’t let those old events bother me. I should be able to assert myself. I should be able to stop feeling guilty. But no matter how hard you try, how many books you read, you just can’t move past that old stuff. Those patterns replay over and over again, and all you can think about is the relief you’ll feel when it’s all done and over with.

...

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How Limiting Beliefs are Sabotaging Your Career and How To Stop Them

Uncategorized Nov 18, 2019

 

I have worked with CEO’s to salespeople to surgeons, and the one thing they all have in common is a struggle with limiting beliefs.

 

We all have them, although sometimes we don’t want to admit it.

Limiting beliefs are just thoughts. Powerful, sabotaging thoughts like, Im not good enough, I probably suck at this job, I don’t deserve to make this much money, I’m a fraud, sales is hard, making money is hard.

 

How does this affect you? Maybe you don’t go for promotions that you know you would be great at, find yourself passed over for that new role or feel stuck in a safe but unsatisfying career. Maybe a lack of confidence is creating problems at home, that you bring into work- beliefs around money- it’s hard to make, or that you don’t deserve it.

 

These beliefs start in your unconscious mind.

 

Your unconscious mind is extremely powerful. It is where 90% of all change happens. It remembers everything, and is...

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The 5 Myths That Are Destroying Your Relationship

Uncategorized Nov 12, 2019

Do you feel a lack of intimacy and closeness with your partner? Maybe you aren’t having sex anymore and feel like you’re roommates rather than lovers. You haven’t felt that spark in awhile. Sex feels like a chore when you do have it, and sometimes you have crazy anxiety or dread beforehand, because you just can’t get as excited as you used to, and don’t want your partner to notice.

Or maybe you’re fighting all the time and you feel so much anger, you don’t know where it’s all coming from, but you do know that it’s hard to control. You just can’t forgive their past mistakes.

You really want to move forward from the past and heal your relationship, but it’s just so hard. How do you even do that?

Lots of people give all kinds of advice, and most of it is wrong. Read on while I bust some myths and help you get your relationship, and yourself, back on track.

 Myth 1 - You Just Need Marriage Counselling or Therapy

...

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If You Stop Controlling Everything, The World Will NOT End

Uncategorized Jun 21, 2018

If you are a mom, you are probably a control freak.

Don’t try to deny it. I will tell people I’m easy going, but in reality, I need to be control. I like to be the one who makes all the doctor and dentist appointments, deals with tutors, organizes events around the house. I like to be the one who gets my son up and ready for school. We have a system. I get him to school on time. The house will fall apart if it’s not for me.

Last summer, I went to Nevada for 3 weeks to do my next level of NLP training. I had to give up all control. It made me insane. I was far away, not planning camps, birthday dinners or groceries.  I had to have faith that my husband could take care of things. And guess what? No-one died. Everyone ate, had birthday dinners and got to camp on time. 

They did it without me. Although I like to think it was way less organized and not as much fun.

Women feel like they need to do it all. And then we get tired. And overwhelmed. And angry....

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