Angry AF? This Might Be Why.

Uncategorized Apr 23, 2020

I had 2 yelling fits this week.

One was at my son. He was complaining endlessly about the e-learning work he had to do. It went on and on, and I lost it. I started screaming, told him he was on his own, and slammed into my bedroom. That night I cried to my husband. I felt like a huge bitch, a bully and a really shitty mom.

The second anger attack I had was when I tried to buy a vacuum. Now that my cleaning woman can't come, I have realized that I don't have the cleaning supplies I should have. I went on the Canadian Tire website. You have to call the store to order, then pick it up curbside. Noone answered the phone. I tried 3 other stores. Same thing. Amazon Prime had a 3 week wait. I freaked out. "WHY CAN I NOT JUST BUY THE THINGS I NEED??" I was so mad I started crying.

So maybe it wasn't the best week for me.

But it got me thinking. None of my outbursts were actually anger.

They came from anxiety, fear, overwhelm and a feeling of no control. 

When our environment is unstable, our brain seeks certainty, stability, normalcy. When that is impossible, all kinds of emotions are created. And lots of them feel unsafe and unfamiliar. What is familiar? 

Anger.

Anger is easy for the brain to understand. It's cave man. Me no get vacuum. Me pissed off. But really, anger is never actually anger. None of my "anger issues" clients actually suffer from anger issues. It's sadness. Or fear. Or anxious.

And it's made me notice that the appearance of anger is all around us, especially right now. Stressed out parents are yelling at their kids. Couples are fighting. People are spitting on each other at the grocery store. It is actually fear. Fear of the unknown, lack of control, fear of the future. The whole world has changed in a matter of days. 

What can we do?

First, realize what you are really feeling, and that it's ok.

It's not ok to have inappropriate screaming fits or spit at strangers.

It is ok to feel scared. To wonder what this all means for you. To be frustrated and want things to be different. 

Then figure out what you need in that moment. What's your anger trying to tell you? What can you do?

I logged into Wayfair and bought a vacuum that will be here Friday.

I apologized to my son, and asked him to forgive me. I told him I was having a hard time. I am trying to be more conscious of my emotions and reactions. We can only control ourselves, and in turbulent unstable times, that can be empowering. 

I know it's hard, but if we can step into these emotions, feel them, and then let them go, while learning from them, we will all get through this with empathy and self love.

And give yourself a break. We're all dealing with this in our own way, and that's ok.

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