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I Can't Stop Yelling. And I Know Better

Jun 01, 2020

My job is to help people control their emotions. I help them release negative emotions and beliefs that are holding them back, or making them feel like garbage.

So why can I not stop yelling at my son?

Now, he is almost 13. He has gone from my sweet boy to a argumentative, sometimes angry tween, who I don't understand. Sometimes I feel like he is just sitting there, hating me. Other times, he is lying on top of me, wanting cuddles and back rubs. It's a total roller coaster.

When he gets frustrated, or disagreeable, or yells "I KNOW!" to something I am asking him to do that he is clearly not doing, I go crazy.

I yell. There are f-bombs. I know how to control it, but I am choosing not to and I don't know why. So I started thinking about why.

I did what I ask my clients to do. How am I feeling in this moment? Angry. No, sad. Grief. Betrayed. Unloved.

Yikes. That's a lot to put on a hormonally raging kid, but I feel how I feel. Now, what am I going to do about it? 

I know, rationally, that he loves me. And that he is struggling hard with the Covid stuff. As an only child he has no one to play with all day, and is feeling lonely and scared about the future. All this uncertainty is weighing on all of us. It's a tough world right now. And we are always together. There is no school, friends or overnights with relatives to give us a break from each other.

So what do I do, to still keep rules in place, be respected, and be respectful? How do I navigate all these feelings, yelling and constant togetherness? 

First is that I apologized. He needs to know that I'm human, and I yell sometimes when he is disrespectful. 

Then I asked him how we can do better. What are some things we can do when we're feeling mad at each other? He said we can stop and listen and one person talks at a time. And then we can hug each other after.

It sounds like a good start to me.

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