If You Stop Controlling Everything, The World Will NOT End

Uncategorized Jun 21, 2018

If you are a mom, you are probably a control freak.

Don’t try to deny it. I will tell people I’m easy going, but in reality, I need to be control. I like to be the one who makes all the doctor and dentist appointments, deals with tutors, organizes events around the house. I like to be the one who gets my son up and ready for school. We have a system. I get him to school on time. The house will fall apart if it’s not for me.

Last summer, I went to Nevada for 3 weeks to do my next level of NLP training. I had to give up all control. It made me insane. I was far away, not planning camps, birthday dinners or groceries.  I had to have faith that my husband could take care of things. And guess what? No-one died. Everyone ate, had birthday dinners and got to camp on time. 

They did it without me. Although I like to think it was way less organized and not as much fun.

Women feel like they need to do it all. And then we get tired. And overwhelmed. And angry. No-one ever helps me! I work all day and then come home and do everything!

True. It’s so easy to just take over. But when you CHOOSE to do this (and it’s a choice), here’s what’s happening: 

You aren’t having fun

You get overwhelmed

You yell more

You’re always tired

You sleep less

You feel guilty about all the yelling and the fatigue

 

And here’s what’s going on in your home:

 

Your kids aren’t taking responsibility for helping run the house they live in

You aren’t giving your partner the credit that they’re an adult and can do things, which causes stress

You probably aren’t having sex because you’re too busy yelling, doing dishes and being tired.

I am not judging, because I’ve been there. No fun, right? 

Here’s, the thing- you are more than a mom, wife and employee. You are a person. An amazing woman who deserves fun and relaxation and help. You are not less of a mom if you ask for (demand) help. Or want to have fun. Or let things go.

Here’s what to do.

Delegate. I can’t say this enough! You are not the only person who lives in your house. Everyone helps. You are a team. Give everyone things to do. Everyone has a night they make dinner. Or does laundry, or whatever. Detach from the idea that it has to be perfect. It doesn’t. The most important thing is that someone else is doing it.

Do something for yourself. Stop doing everything for everyone else. If something goes wrong, this is what you ask yourself, “will someone die if this happens?” If the answer is no, then everything is fine. Your kid forgets his lunch and you feel like you need to be late for work to go home and bring it to him. Will he die? Nope. Will he forget his lunch again? Nope. Done.

It’s ok if it feels weird or yucky at first. It will be ok, and everyone will be happier. Your kids will have a more patient, happier mom, you and your partner might get to have sex sometimes, and you will feel calm and relaxed.

You really can let go of control. Use that space in your brain, that used to need to control all the things, for other, fun and amazing things!!

 

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