What To Do When You Feel Like You're Failing at Being A Mom

I don’t think I’m your typical mom. Maybe I am. Maybe I just think I’m not because of all the media telling me what a typical mom should be. 

I didn’t even think I wanted to be a mom. I liked my freedom, going out, spending money on myself. I remember once buying an expensive pair of jeans and thinking, “If I had kids, I couldn’t do this. And I love these jeans”. But then I met the right guy, and we had a son.

And I have to say, I really love being a mom. I honestly didn’t think  would. 

I didn’t think I would me “mom -like” enough to be a mom. I felt, before I even had my son, that I was a potential mom failure. 

Society has so many expectations on moms. Dads barely have to show up and do a load of laundry once in awhile, and they’re rocking it. Moms need to be perfect. If you don’t believe me, just join a few Mom Groups on Facebook. Holy judgement! You are pretty much never doing the right thing.

Well today, I’m being totally transparent with my Mom Failures. And I’m ok with them, because I’m doing lots of stuff right.

Here are the things that maybe society would think were wrong with me as a mom - or what I thought society thinks. It’s not even real- it’s a weird fairy tale mom, who’s perfect, who no-one can live up to.

The ways I felt like I failed as a typical mom-

1. I don’t bake things for school. If I even read the memo about a potential bake sale or class party, I just pretend I didn’t know. 
2. I never, ever go on class trips. They are my worst nightmare. I actually don’t even like kids that much.
3. My kid’s birthday parties have made me want to cry, scream and swear. I have done all of those things at a grade 1 birthday party at the movies, in the bathroom.
4. I swear. My son made a swear jar for me, and every so often I just give him $5 as an advance.
5. I told my kid that kids aren’t allowed in Las Vegas so my husband and I could have a vacation. He still believes it.
6. I am not crafty. I will never make fancy cakes (see #1) or sew a costume or teach origami. 
7. Sometimes I eat first. I will also never give my son a piece of my bacon. 
8. I let him eat crap sometimes. I don’t care if a food is organic, or free-range, I just want him to &5$$ing eat his lunch. If that means it’s full of preservatives, sometimes, so be it.
9. I really don’t want to sit through all those basketball games. I don’t enjoy it. I love seeing my son happy, but I’d rather be at the mall.
10. I yell. 

What I do right

1. I give lots of  hugs. Now I have to force them, but I give them all the same
2. I tell him I love him
3. I apologize when I’ve been a bitch
4. We talk about feelings. He feels comfortable talking to me.
5. I am honest. Except for that Las Vegas thing. But generally, when he asks me a question,  I will tell him the truth. He’s starting puberty, so it’s often about penises. 
6. I say no. Like, a lot. 
7. I give him limits. Like very limited screen time, expectations around behaviour and manners.
8. I accept him as his own person
9. I listen to him. To his fears, worries and dreams. 
10. I encourage him.

And the most important thing is, that I help myself first. When I was struggling with an eating disorder and body hate, I couldn’t be there for him like I wanted to be. My problem was always in my brain, taking up space. I was always thinking about it, and could never be truly present in the moment with my family, because I was always wondering if I looked fat. 

The thing is, our kids don’t really care if you’re making baked goods for school, or are great at crafts. They want you to be present with them. In the moment with them. They want  space in your brain, and attention.  And other people? What they think of me is none of my business. 

I am going to wave the Mom Fail flag high and proud! And so should you. You’re doing a great job!

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